Coaching Myself

The last three years have been the most difficult years of my life due to my wife getting diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. Traveling to Mexico for treatment and a lumpectomy, a year later a mastectomy, and now metastasized cancer in her bones and other parts of her body. As a family, we made the choice to put our careers to the side and focus on funding her treatments with our savings. After thousands and thousands of dollars going towards her healing, we have depleted our accounts. We have managed to keep on track with her treatments with the help of community, friends, and family. As a Man, I have struggled with this but at the same time feel a tremendous sense of gratitude. At times, I have felt out of control, powerless, and there have been numerous times where I had to swallow my pride and ask for help. I’m in the process of rebuilding and continuing with my career and the vision I have for my life while I support my wife’s process of healing. It has not been easy but we trust that we will have our needs met.

For years before her diagnosis, we were planning to sell our home and move into a bigger space where we can possibly bring in another child but my wife is not able to birth due to the medication that she is on. We decided to move forward with the sale of our home as we found a property with two homes on one lot. Because of our financial state and her health, we had no business making this move but my Father in law offered to help. It was perfect as my Father in law would live in one house and my family in the other. It was a win-win for all. Our vision is to use our home for community events and possibly adopt a child in the future. My Father in law is funding the construction of the two homes and I’m helping with the managing of the project. Thinking of the possibilities is exciting and I look forward to our new home.

What now? I have been challenged spiritually, mentally, physically, financially, and socially. There have been times where I have gone to the edge of my thoughts to the point where I thought I was losing my mind and losing touch with myself. My spiritual practice has been a savior. In my darkest times, I have found a tiny space of emptiness and that has been my doorway to my sanity. That emptiness is why I practice meditation and being present. When life gets chaotic and dark, it’s almost impossible to connect with that emptiness but the more you practice, the better chance you have of connecting with it. That empty space is who we truly are, a field of possibilities.

For this beginning part of 2020, I will be coaching myself through my own program, The Hart Method. I will be documenting my process and sharing it with you on social media. I will be sharing my journey of how the 8 maxims of The Hart Method will apply to all aspects of my life in mind, body, and spirit as I move forward toward my goals, vision, and intention. I’m excited to share, be transparent, authentic, and vulnerable. I hope that you follow my journey and that you receive some value in it for yourself as you move forward in your life. 2020, the year of moving the vision forward. Stay connected!

How can a blind spot lead into a clear path?

My heart hurts

As a little boy, I would frequently tell my Mother that my heart hurt. I was afraid to go outside to play, afraid to speak to others, and scared to walk to the school bus. I lived in constant fear and anxiety even though I had a tremendous feeling of purpose for life. Because of my fears, I made choices that didn’t serve me. I would choose to play inside rather than play outside and make new friends. I would make up excuses not to attend social gatherings. Blind spots make us fall into a similar pattern where the choices that we make don’t align with the goals or vision we have for ourselves leaving us trying to navigate through a path that feels cluttered, foggy, and dark.

My wife’s diagnosis

Two summers ago, my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer at exactly one month before one of my life long dreams would come true. One month after my wife’s diagnosis, my book “The Hart Method” was published. I had a plan of action and a vision to follow through on with the publishing of my book and the accomplishment of my goal. The plan was to continue training athletes, book speaking opportunities, train teams, do a book tour, and expand on my passion by sharing through online platforms. Unfortunately, that vision became foggy, unstable, and ultimately came to a stop. When we received the news of my wife’s diagnosis, we were at the beach enjoying a hot summer day with our family. Upon hearing the news, my heart sank, my feet went numb, and tears were shed. I became paralyzed.

Paralysis because of fear

For the last two years, I have been at a standstill and didn’t even know. I lost connection to my body. I didn’t feel grounded and was having a difficult time navigating through my emotions. My level of motivation, creativity, and will have been extremely low. The uncertainty of my wife’s health landed me into a dark cave for protection but hidden from the outside world to leave me with a feeling of disconnection. I was out in the world but out of my body. That blind spot I had as a little boy came back and I didn’t even know it. The choices I was making were not aligning with the vision in my heart. Like that little boy, In spite of my fears, I held a vision of hope and accomplishing great things. I knew that I would move beyond my fears, beyond my self-doubt, and beyond the chains that I put upon myself. Now as an adult, I still have those two parts to my heart. One side of pain and the other side of hope. I am committed to going out of my cave no matter how scary it may seem.

Inner knowing

I know and trust that there is support around me but I do know that ultimately it’s up to me to step out of my darkness to see the light of day. I have a Father and child inside of me. The Father in me tells the child inside of me that everything will be alright. The child inside of me trusts that it will. We all have blind spots within. Life has a way of revealing our blind spots and usually in the form of trauma for us to see, to feel, and ultimately to continue to move forward without having to go into our dark cave for protection. We can very well still be children experiencing and projecting our traumas and leaving us feeling stuck, unmotivated, and depressed. Maybe traumas aren’t meant to be eliminated. Rather, maybe traumas are there for us to acknowledge for us to develop a greater sense of compassion, awareness, and love for ourselves to clear our path through the power of vulnerability together with the courage and strength to express ourselves authentically.

8 things you can do to reveal your blind spots and clear your path

  • Reflect at the end of your day and look at the choices you made. Ask yourself if your choices served you? Why or why not?
  • Ask your peers, friends, relatives, and partners how they view you or better yet, ask those individuals that raised you how you were as a child.
  • Reconnect to your past and be open and honest about your fears, limitations, and circumstances that bring you anxiety.
  • Reflect on your own life and the major setbacks that you experienced and connect the dots to another setback later in life.
  • Quiet your mental chatter and clear the space by meditating or engaging in activities that keep your present like exercise or creating something with your own two hands.
  • Start a personal journal and write openly!
  • Express your emotions authentically to others. When someone asks you how you are doing, tell them the truth!
  • Allow yourself to feel without judgment.

Rewire, Reconnect, and Remember.

Armando Hart